Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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