We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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