For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
