I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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