I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
