How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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