On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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