A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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