oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am one with the molecules
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.