you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.