If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.