you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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