Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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