I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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