I have demons in me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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