I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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