We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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