We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
