so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
