I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
