Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
