every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
