billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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