I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
