The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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