I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
