Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize