im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
