I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
