his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
