i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
