i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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