A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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