Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think my vagina is haunted
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
