Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
