I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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