Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
