I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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