just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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