There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
