I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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