I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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