Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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