she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
