I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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