is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
