I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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