ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
