She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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