When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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