can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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