Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i barfeds in our rink
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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