Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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