she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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