you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
