i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
