I hate your face
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
