talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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