Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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